"Refiner's Fire"

Sorry, there wasn't a post last night. I was held up by an unforeseen circumstance. ...Work. I had totally forgotten I had signed up to work at the BCC on Friday night. Oops!

Well my "Lady in Waiting" status has been on my mind a lot lately. I am not sure why, because I have been blessed to be with my family a lot recently keeping me from being alone. For the last couple of months I haven't really had to face my status, I knew it was there but I didn't pay much attention. I have been able to put it behind me and just go on with my daily activities. But lately it has been at the back of my my mind, maybe because of the holidays and all the parties and get together that couples do. I don't know, though whatever it is, it's there.

I am going to share a few things that the Lord has shared with me, through the last decade of my single life.

1) When God says something(someone) is ACCEPTABLE, don't say it(he) isn't. Acts 10:15
2) The only luggage of mine that needs to match his is a)I have been justified (Rom 5:1), b)I have been bought with a price (1 Cor 16:19-20), c)I have been redeemed (Col 1:14), d)I have the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16), e)Christ lives in me (Col 1:27)
3) That the one thing I am afraid of the MOST in life keeps me from the man God has for me. (Maybe I will get enough guts to share it one day, or after I share it with my future husband!!)


Isn't neat how the Lord teaches and refines us. He takes that time to HOLD me over the fire, at just the right heat, so I can become the woman of God He wants me to be, so I can become the wife He wants me to be, so I can become the mom He wants me to be. Now that I can SURRENDER my whole self, that one day God can see himself in the refined silver.

Post coming this evening...

Thanksgiving has past and Christmas is around the corner. "Christmas"? Did I just say Christmas? Oh my word I can't believe that time has come. Writing this just makes me so excited.

I love this time of year. I love buying gifts and I absolutly love winter. I love the idea of buddleing up to go play in the snow, of a cold winter weekend inside with sweats and a sweatshirt snuggled under a blakey watching a chick-flick. I also don't mind the excuse to hang with my family. Which by the way if your reading this please say a little prayer for my sister, she isn't feeling well

and said her stomach hurts really bad. We are praying that this has nothing to do with the life growing inside her. I will post something when all is well or we know what is going on.
Back to this time of year. I love the snow!!! It is sooo beautiful, I don't think there is anything that can match it than being able to see the beauty of God in heavan on day. The snow makes all that the earth that seems so filthy washed and made new again. I love it.
Well maybe when I am not on my phone I will type more up. I think it is time for bed. I hope everyone had a great Thankgiving.

Thanksgiving has past and Christmas is around the corner. "Christmas"? Did I just say Christmas? Oh my word I can't believe that time has come. Writing this just makes me so excited.

I love this time of year. I love buying gifts and I absolutly love winter. I love the idea of buddleing up to go play in the snow, of a cold winter weekend inside with sweats and a sweatshirt snuggled under a blakey watching a chick-flick. I also don't mind the excuse to hang with my family. Which by the way if your reading this please say a little prayer for my sister, she isn't feeling well

Serving and Worshiping while I Wait.

So I opened my page and listened to my first song, and I remember how much I really love this song. It really does explain where I am in my life right now. It much more than being single and waiting for the husband that God might have for me. God has much more for my life, and I must continue while I am waiting for Him to come. He is my all in all, and I want to serve and worship Him while I wait, for His coming day. I don't want to miss an opportunity.


I finished my sisters baby showers, I enjoyed them. I really liked to see all the baby stuff, it was very new to us all. Amy said she had never been overwhelmed like that besides the time she opened her wedding gifts. It was precious to see all the gifts the women had so graciously given to her. God provides and and takes care of those who love and serve him.

This was from the shower the Church gave her.

This was from the shower that my mom and my sister put on.

THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME!!

Fall Equals Lots of Trips....and Arkalala

I can't believe it has been a little over 2 weeks since I have posted anything, but I have been really busy.


October 23rd I left town to visit my granma who lives near Nashville. She had just had bypass surgery which she currently is still recovering from and doing marvelous job with all her physical therapy. It was nice to get away for a weekend. I spent a lot of time with my grandfather. We went to church, went for walks even took the dogs to the dog park around the corner from his house. He really liked it too. He told me tons of stories while we were together. Near the end I decided that I would record him because I knew I would never be able to remember everything he said, so I pulled out my phone and started recording. =) I don't think he ever realized what was going on!!!



This last weekend Oct 31st, I went home for my home towns fall festival, Arkalala. There are tons of things I enjoy about this weekend. There is tons of rides (that I don't ride because I have gotten too old), great food (pancake feed saturday morning), a parade (that can be awesome and not so awesome, this year it was awesome), the bands night performance (which is really much better than it sounds, KState came and performed this year), and tons of friends and family getting together enjoying everything in fellowship. It really is a good time.

Speaking of fun time, I ran into one of my favorite friends. He is THE biggest cowboy you might ever meet. I sat and listened to him tell story after funny story for about 2 hours. He had me laughing my face was sore when he left. It was a great time.

I was also able to see Amy (my sisters) house, in person, for the first time! That was neat to see the progress they have made to making it their home for the family they are starting. Which brings me to my next subject.



This weekend is Amys first shower. The church down in Ark City is giving Amy a shower. I am so excited to see all the little pleople clothes. I think I am more excited than she is, I just can't wait to be an aunt. The following weekend is Amy's second shower that Mom, Katie and I are putting together. That should be fun! This weekend Katie and I are going to shop around on Saturday morning to see what I want to get.

Then the week after this I stay in KC for a short time because the very next wednesday I am heading back home to AC. Yup, you heard me HOME, H-O-M-E. I still consider it my home. I didn't think I would really enjoy it as much as I do, but I really do love going back. I was actually thinking about how great it would be to move back at some time in my life. I know now is not that time because it is no place for a "Lady in Waiting".

Ok, back on topic I will then be going home that Wednesday for Thanksgiving. Can you believe it is that close? Then a few weeks after that I have a trip planned to go to Branson with some friends. I am excited to go to Silver Dollar City. I love it there at Christmas time...what am I kidding myself? I love it there anytime of the year. =)

Well now that it has taken me a week to get this all typed so I can post it, I am going to tell you that pictures will come soon as well as a new post about my sisters showers!!! I can't wait for that little guy to come and join us it is going to be such a blessing.

Creepy Drunk Guy

So there I was...
Sitting in the office at the Ballconference Center making sure the people at the reception didn't burn down the building. It was a little slower than usual, the wedding party was gone but the mom and friends had been cleaning up for about an hour. I stepped out of the office to make sure that everything was going well. The door was barely open.
Next thing I know a guy walked in asking me my name and began to nearly close the door behind him. My heart began to race and my eyes got really big. He asked me if I owned the building and told him that I was running it for the evening. He asked me my name and number and I told him my name and gave him Michaels (the managers card). He said "Good. Thanks. You'll be hearing from me." As he was walking out he said "Your name should be bunny" What really bunny come on. I then at that point realized this guy was really drunk, and that was the same guy that the bartender was giving vodka shots to. I told him I liked my name and asked what kind of name would bunny be for a human. He said "Why wouldn't you want your name to be bunny? Bunny's are furry." I said your drunk go now. "No I am not drunk." "Ok, then. Your hitting on me." He went on to say that yes he was and a few choice words that I have chosen to forgotten, and then I told him to get out. That he needed to go have fun somewhere else. He was not a happy camper. Creeeeepy!
A few seconds after the creeper left I went and locked the door. Everytime I come back in I lock the door behind me. I am still not quite at ease. Well I will definately be calling my mom on my way to my car tonight. I have never been that creeped out ever. I had a drunk guy come and talk to me one night but it wasn't the same way. And that dude got the clue I wasn't interested.

I am so glad that I have chosen to stay away from that part of the world. I don't know if he would have done anything if I had been in another situation, but by golly I don't want to ever give anyone the chance. Thank you Lord for protecting me, keeping me calm and giving me the words to say to get him out of here.

Christmas is coming!

So...I have a plan whether or not I will actually do it, I have it all planned. I am 25, officially an adult and responsible, or at least that is what my insurance company thinks!! So I thought this year might be a good year to send out Christmas cards.



I have always wanted to send out the picture ones, so I have hired one of the girls in the youth group to take a few pictures of me and the dog. Wont that be fun!!!? I can't wait. Now to get it all implemented and do it.


Just imagine GREAT pictures like this on your door step near Christmas!! (professionally done of course!) You would never have to miss my face. All you would need to do is look at your refrigerator! Just kidding but it would be fun to send for my first Christmas cards ever.

Let me know if you want a Christmas card!






These were done by me using my phone. No good, but fun anyways!

Blessed is the name of the Lord

About a week ago I was reading preparing for a bible study on Thursday nights. Thursday is the dog agility class but I had just gotten back from Las Vegas so Kayle was still with her Aunt Katie. So I went to bible study. Oh how much I miss bible study with Charlotte. God has given her a great about of wisdom. I can only hope that I will be obedient to the Lord enough to become the woman of God He wants me to be.
Well about this bible study I knew I was going to go when the class was over so I went and got all the material from Char so I could be on the same page as the other women when I was able to start up. Char said "Jannie, there is homework you understand that...right?" "Yeah, it will be good. It will keep me accountable", is what I said, or so I had hoped. Well I will say I have not been a good steward of the time the Lord has given to me. The day of the study I skimmed through Job and answered the questions in the beginning and a few at the end. Just enough to make someone think I did something. I really wish I wasn't being lazy, because what I learned that night was great, and imagine what the Lord could have shown me if I would have read the entire book and answered all the questions on my own.
That night the Lord reiterated a lot of things I knew, but needing a reminder of. God allowed Satan to take a lot from Job, but that didn't stop Job from praising God. He said "Naked I have come, naked I will go. The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away. BLESSED IS THE NAME OF THE LORD." Do I ever bless the name of the Lord when something has been taken away or things aren't going the way I had planned or hoped they would be? No I don't. I complain, out loud so everyone knows "Oh woe is Jannie". Dear me, how self absorbed is that.
My life, the way it is now is set up to have an easy relationship with the Lord serving him in all I do. I have no responsibilities that don't involve some sort of ministry besides paying my bills. I teach Sunday school, help out with the youth group and work for a company who has chosen to build its business with the chief cornerstone (Cornerstone Endodontics) in charge of all that we do. Serving him and our patients that come in. Why can't I take a few minutes out of my day (the day He has given me) to spend with him. I claim he is my friend, but do I treat him like one?
Things may not be going the way I hoped they would be by now but this time I have right now is Jesus and Jannie time. In the beginning it was God and man, that's it. God and man. Right now its God and me. What am I going to do about it?

I'm back!!

So I think it may just have been about 2weeks since I have given a report. I have a lot going on in my head, I don't ever understand it so I don't usually end up writing any of it down. I can though tell you what has been going on.
1. I have gotten all my test back and they said everything is normal, nothing out of the ordinary for me except for one hormone is really out of whack, but with some meds. they gave me in the beginning I hope to be able to stabilize it.
I still get tingling in my hands during the day, but when I said something to the Dr. he didn't say anything he blew it off and continued talking about something else. I guess I will just have to do more digging if it worsens.
2. I went to Las Vegas on Sept 19th and returned home on Sept 24th at 1am in the morning. It was a lot of fun as always. My mom got a little confused when reserving a hotel room. thought she was reserving 2 rooms with 2beds and only reserved 1room with 2beds so for the first 2 nights we had 6people in the room then we moved everthing over to the time share on Monday afternoon.
Which by the way Monday was a crazy day. My uncle met us in LV, he wanted to go riding up on bootleg mountain with us. My dad was sick Sat-Mon and the two guys mom and dad brought along with them only wanted to go around and get free stuff on Monday so that left me and my Uncle to go to the top of the mountain. I have always thought I was good with directions. Not great but good, little did I know. I have riden down the mountain 4times but this time I couldn't remember the way down. I took the wrong path. My uncle thought we were heading in the wrong direction so we had to climb back up the trial, back to where we started. By golly I can't believe we did that in 100 degree weather in the middle of desert. Oh and did I mention we didn't have any water. I felt like one of the Iseralites out in the desert with no water, but I think they were out there for a bit longer than 6hrs. =) I was so thirsty, I started feeling dizzy and my body started protecting itself from heat exhaustion and started giving me the chills. Getting the chills in the heat of the afternoon out in the middle of the desert was a bit strange. After what felt like days and a bit of dehydration we got back and refueled. I didn't go back up that day, I wasn't feeling well as you can imagine. I felt bad for my uncle no one would go ride. But he did say he was coming back next yr with with one of his boys!
3. I got back worked on Thursday. I missed my agility class with Kayle because she was still with Katie. Friday Katie brought her up to me and hung out that night at some friends house. They go to church with us and wanted the Youth Adult group to come over for dinner. It was really nice of them to open their house up to us. =)
4. Katie and I woke up early so she could get a head start since she was suppose to work at 1pm ons Saturday, but didn't end up needing to go in until 3pm. Oh well. I then went to the church to help out with cleaning and taking down everything on the walls. We are getting ready to move to the new church and are preparing for that move. It is going to be pretty plain at the church for the next three weeks.
5. Now I sit at the Ball Conference Center listening to classical music while a bride and groom celebrate their VERY specail day. Isn't that ironic that I have chosen to work for a facility that host weddings and reception parties. It usually doesn't bother me much in fact I think I like it because it give me great ideas for my little sisters wedding one day!!!! You just never know! Everyone is so different. This is the first wedding that I have been to here that had a live band and I love it. They also have a DJ, but I am defenitly digging the live stuff. It's classy.

Now I have given you my weeks story I think I am going to take some time to read a book I brought I started reading on my plane ride back but I taked to an avid roadie on my way back from LV that told me about some great trails in the area I can't wait to try out. Till another day my friends!! =)

Not quite the results...

So I had the procedure. It went great. I was a bit dizzy on Tuesday and then again on Wednesday, but by 7 o'clock Wednesday night I felt like myself again. Boy am I glad they put me under anesthesia. Pain meds=a great feeling.....absolutely nothing!!! Maybe most my worry was from the unknow feeling after it all. The only side effect is some really light spotting.
Now I just wait for the results of which I am pretty confident about. My lining was only at a 7mm which is great! Often times right before a woman has her period (before the lining is shed) her lining is up around 14mm. And I haven't had a period in a little over a year so think 17missed periods @ 14mm...WoW!! I am doing great, least that is what I think. I haven't made my next set of labs or my follow up appt, but my guess it will be the last couple days of the month. I will get back with you all and let you know the standings.

I was going to say something also about being single, but I can't remember what it was, so it must not be too important. Possible better that I didn't say anything at all. =)

Change My Heart Oh God

I wasn't going to write about this because it would go against the title of my blog, but the more I thought about it, in the end it doesn't.
Well today was a crazy day. I spent a good portion of my day at the doctors. About 3yrs ago they told me I had PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). A few things that are related to this are irregular or the absence of periods, excessive hair growth in unwanted areas, acne, rapid weight gain and in many women insulin resistance. Is often caught in women who are TTC (trying to conceive), premenopausal women, and obese women.
I am now going to rewind to 3yrs ago when it all started. I think I had mentioned to my mom that I hadn't had a period in about 6months. She insisted that I go in and see the doctor, I was hesitant because I had always had irregular periods so going for 6months at a time wasn't a big issue to me. I would in for allergy meds., which my mom suggested with other alternatives, and as always the nurse would ask about my last period I would try to think about when it was and my mom would chime in and ask about the time between them. Every now and then the dr. would put me on a pill to have them. After two yrs of going through having med induced periods, my mom started to get worried. I thought it was strange but I probably would have never done anything about it. As many of you know I think I am "invincible". Finally mom really had concerns and they did some testing. Since I wasn't really worried I didn't pay much attention to the the results or to anything really for that matter. My general dr. sent me to the gynecologist who diagnosed me with PCOS and then referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist in Wichita.
I never took what they said real seriously, everything I knew about my body was normal, its all I had known. When I went to the specialist he explained what was going on in my body, but it all went over my head. I knew I had always wanted big, puffy hair for some reason!! =) I really tried to understand I just didn't get it. Everything they told me was "...this couldn't happen", "you really don't have to worry about this now", "its really not that big of a deal until you want to have a baby ". Great info to feed me if you want me to be consistent with the treatment plan! ha, yea right. Not having a period was normal to me, the acne and extra hair growth was normal to me, maybe a bit embarrassing but normal. I had dealt with it for the last 10yrs of my life, what was the problem?
For the first year or so I was was pretty consistent with my appointments, but the meds were another story. BCP's were not my cup of tea. I would forget to take them at the special time and then I would spot or even have a full blown period 2 or 3 times during the month. I was never very consistent taking them, but I didn't see any changes either. The dr. was good at trying to work with me on only needing to take the pills 3times a yr, but it just didn't work. Taking them to have a period was just never in my schedule. I know great excuse.
As for the BCP's I never felt comfortable taking them. I was always afraid of what people would think if they saw I was taking them. What is the first thing you think about when you hear birth control pill.....hmmmmm....maybe a pill that helps you not have a baby while you are being sexually active. Exactly what the name of the pill is. What if the youth girls were over and saw them in my bathroom, or I was on a trip with them and they saw them. Everyone know teenage girls or just girls/women in general are noisy. What kind of message would that send to the girls. I am suppose to be a living example to them to save themselves for their husbands. This is one of the main reasons I have chosen not to take them.
I hadn't gone back in a about a year in a half, so I decided it was time to get this under control. Mainly from the loving sutle pushes from my mom. I didn't want to drive all the way to Wichita all the time for appointments, so I decided I would try a dr up here in the Kansas City area, and today was the day of my first appointment. I had never really had a problem going to the dr.. I have always felt fine, remember "I am invincible".
Today was different. I felt so alone in there, all of the women in there had their husbands with them. Then it was just me. I prayed a lot while I was there. I can't remember any time I had gone to the dr.'s office and prayed as much as I did or even if I ever had.
They want to rule out any other issues that may be causing my hormones to be out of wack, so I have lab tests on Thursday morning, and the Tuesday the 8th I have to have a endometrial biopsy done. They will take a scrapping from the wall of my uterus to check for pre cancerous cells. They are pretty sure that I don't have it, but since I have only had 2 period in the last 2yrs he wants to rule it out. Then I will go back in soon after that to have some more blood tests. Then finally at the end of the month I will go back in to discuss all the results of the tests. I feel pretty comfortable with the fact that nothing is going to be wrong, "I am invincible", but going through it all makes me really nervous. I am hoping my mom will be here for the biopsy, its kind of nice to be able to just at least hold someones hand through it all.
I have been so tired lately it is ridiculous, then with my allergies and all this it is taking a toll on me emotionally. I have been crying all the time. Maybe it is good that I am going through this, it will bring me to my knees. All this can make it extremely hard and sometimes impossible to have a child, and although I can't have one right now, I do eventually want to get married and have children. I pray everyday that the Lord will change my heart if he would have something else for me. I want what He wants, but getting to that place is so hard. Getting rid of my flesh is like trying to peel the potato skins off without a peeler. I pray that God would just take a hold of that peeler and just start peeling away. I pray that I would just stand back and watch all that dirt be taken away so I will never what it in my life again. That I can truly repent of my sins.
Change my heart Oh God, make it ever new. Change my heart Oh God, may I be like you.
God is good to me, he will take care of me. I just pray that I will allow him to. Show me Lord what it is that you would have me learn though this.

ONE DAY I...

...want to be the woman God created me to be.
...want to have the compassion for others that I could never imagine.
...want to go without worrying about the mistakes I don't want to make.
...want to be with someone loves me for me.
...want to be a bride.
...want a special day.
...want to go to Greece.
...want to go to Italy.
...want to know who I am.
...want to go out and tell others about the God I love, without the fear of rejection.
...want to go on a cruise.
...want to know who I am in Christ.
...want to be a mom.
...want to have tons of kids!!!
...want to feel loved, not just know it.
...want to visit Isreal.
...want to know the plans the Lords has for me, to grow and prosper me.
...want to be able to articulate to myself and others how amazing the God I know and serve is
...want to exercise the way I know I should.
...want motivation.
...want to ride a horse.
...want to live in the mountains.
...want my dog to live forever.
...want to have grace.
...want to have a heavenly focus.
...hope to believe, not know, that God is the only thing I need.
...hope to be doing what God has called me to do.
...hope to find myself.
...hope to be able to truely give every aspect of my life over to the Lord.
...hope to surrender.
...hope to love the way God would love.
...want and hope to be obedient
...want and hope to be patient while waiting on the Lord.

So I am a bit frustrated. I don't think I should be, but for some reason I am letting it get to me. No names will be shared to protect the innocent, but I thought for the sake of telling a story I am going to give them the name of Von. I looked down trying to think of a name and the first thing I saw was my Von Maur bag and so that is where the name came from. I thought it might help me to vent my one last time I would just write it out for all to see! Great I know.

So I have a friend (or I thought to be), we are friends in real life and on facebook. Earlier in the summer I posted a little hello on Von's wall just a friendly greeting and invite to share how there summer was going. I never got a response, which was fine because I am sure that I have missed a few replies on fb before. So I am just doing my facebook thing and notice that they have new pictures to I click over to their profile and as I am reading their wall (no judgment can be passed because I know you all do that) I didn't see my post. So I thought that was kind of strange but I didn't think about it again. Then the other day I went and said hey again. Didn't hear back but again some people don't respond. Then I went on Von's wall to ask if they wanted to go for a bicycle ride on Sunday. Sunday (today) is a beautiful day and I wanted to enjoy a ride outside. As many of you know I hate to do things alone and I knew someone who enjoys riding bicycles and thought great this would be a great time because the weather is perfect. But I say that my post from the other day had been deleted. Deleted once, strange but ok, twice this person must really have issues on who writes on their walls. So I thought I will just send them a message so they don't have to worry about deleting anything on their wall. I went to click on the send a message and nothing happened..again, nothing.....surely, no....it must be my computer. So I went to someone else's profile and tried sending them a message, guess what it worked. It was true, they have blocked me. Really me, what did I do. I don't remember a time that someone didn't like me that much.


The Conversation
I had their email, so I sent and email and didn't get a response. I had kind of expected not to get a response but I was really hoping to be wrong. So I saw them to day and asked if they had gotten my message.
Von said "Oh...oops."
Me with a smile and a laugh "Thanks for the response really appreciate it!!!"
Then I walked away. It was still bugging me. I didn't understand why he didn't respond. Why he hadn't told me he didn't want to go. So later...
I said "You could have told me if you didn't want to go, it wouldn't have bothered me. Oh and I tried to write a post on your wall and I noticed you deleted my last post..."
....Oh, sorry....
...then I tried sending you a message and it wouldn't let me, so that is when I decided to email you, and you still didn't respond...
...Oh, sorry.
...no your really not, you had a reason for doing it" Then I turned around and walked away. I wish I was strong enough to stay and listen to what they had to say. I get so nervous that I can't even look them in the eye nor can I stay to see what they would say. I make it easy on them and just walk away.

This is so petty and I real stupid for allowing it to make me this frustrated, I guess I just don't understand why. OK, so who cares if you don't want to go riding, but really you have to ignore me and make it look like I don't talk to you. Its stupid. I will probably be emailing them, or maybe not because I am not sure I should, but it really bugs me. Probably not the best thing to do, but I really want to know what there problem is with me.

Sorry for all the grammatical mistakes.

A Week+ in the Life of Me

I have been going non stop for the past week and a half.

Friday 7/31 I stayed up all night with the youth girls we had a girls night.

Saturday 8/1 I worked till 1am Sunday morning

Sunday 8/2 a few friends and I went and grabbed a sandwich at Planet Sub(YUMMY) and then went and had at picnic out by the lake.

Monday 8/6 They youth had a BBQ at Kurt (youth leaders) house

Tuesday 8/7 I don't remember what I did I may have slept trying to catch up from the sleep I had missed on Friday and Saturday night.

Wednesday I had youth group

Thursday I went to the Wizard of Oz at the theater in the park.

Friday-Sunday was spent in Branson with family and friends for my sisters birthday. She is the big 2-7!!

Monday I thought I wasn't going to do anything and I got a call from a friend to to out and have dinner and an movie. We saw G.I. Joe. I enjoyed it. OH YEAH and I got a call from my sister she had her baby sonogram and she called to tell me what she was having!!! I will save the the anticipation for the end.

Today which is Tuesday has been great. I wanted to go to the gym really bad but I just could bring my self to do it. I know it kind of sounds like an oxymoron, but I relate it to the battle between the flesh and the spirit. I feel so much better when I am there than when I skip out.

Wednesday is another day with the youth.

Thursday my family is coming to town because we have a retreat type thing going on at the church.

Friday I the conference is still going on at the church all day.

Saturday I will be at the church in the morning for the conference and then I will go out and work til 1am in the morning again. (I didn't realize what the weekend held until after I told them I would work, oops)

Then the week of Aug 17th starts and I don't know where the first half of the month went. WOW!!!

I do like to stay busy. For the past 2yrs. I have just been kind of dragging my feet. Not really doing much. Yes, I can keep my days busy running from here to there, but in the end I don't end up really doing anything. I think I am now ready to get this all started again. I am hoping to take a class this semester nothing big, just something to get my mind flowing. Then the plan is by next fall to be enrolled in a Master course. We'll see where the Lord takes me.

As for the Great news my sister shared. I remember telling you all what I thought she was going to have. I told you so that there would be no mistake on my ability to guess what gender the family will be having. Well I am here to make it know that I was RIGHT and I am going to have a little baby nephew. How exciting is that. I can't wait for that little baby boy. It is going to be so much fun to watch him grow up. Though I am sad, because he is the only grandkid on both sides and will be for awhile. It may be a bit lonely for the little guy. I remember what it felt like when I only had my sister. Then when I was older it was much harder to form a bond with my cousins because they were so much younger, but I do hope that he can form a even better bond with his uncle and 2 aunts!!!!

Here are a few pictures from our trip to Branson.

Dad being really goofy in the pool

It is safe the say Tim didn't have a great

time that evening. His face says it all!

There was a little boy who saw me taking pictures

of the Lake he thought the camera on my phone was so cool.

He was so excited when I told him he could take a picture

of Bri and I. The water is really cold by the way.

Definetly one of my favorite rides at Silver Dollar City

STOP arguing

"I appeal to you by the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ to stop arguing among yourselves. Let there be real harmony so there won't be a division..." 1 Corinthians 1:10a

Last night I was really bummed after I talked to my sister on the phone. I called to talk to her because, we NEVER talk and I thought it would be nice to see what was going on. She is having a baby and looking for a house so I wanted to know how everything was going. I also had some really neat information to share with her, and I really wanted to tell her so I called.

After I told her, I felt like everything I was saying was being critiqued. I started getting defensive immediately and within 20sec after I finished my story she had hung up on me. Immediately I got a text and we discussed what was going on. According to her I was getting "attitudy" and way too defensive. I will admit I did get defensive, because I felt like she thought everything I had just told her was stupid, and that she couldn't believe I would think or act that way. She would never do that and wouldn't ever need to, because she is just better than that. Or at least that is the way it came across to me. A simple "Thats neat way of looking at it. I don't know what I would do, but I may not act that way", would have been nice.

I hate arguing with her. I hate it that she make me feel 2ft tall. I hate it that we never see eye to eye. I hate it that we can never talk for very long. I HATE it that we often to believe the same things or same way. I HATE it that I don't have a great relationship with her.

All I want is to be able to talk to her w/o the feeling of "oh my gosh I can't believe you just asked me that, uh nowh Duh". (w/o duh actually being said).

The arguing and bickering can never be good especially in the long run. I decided I will be praying everyday, that she and I can both work on how we talk to one another. Taking into consideration the insecurities of each other. I want to have a healthy relationship with both my sisters, I want it to be fun to go and spend weeks together. Just enjoying the company of one another as sisters are suppose to. I read the following quote one time.

"Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there."

I don't usually feel that way. I have always wanted my sister to be my best friend, but I have never been able to feel that way. I wish it was someone I could go to when ever I had a problem, someone who would be there to just listen.

The verse at the top really popped out at me tonight while I was reading. I have seen first hand within my family what arguing can do and I don't want that between me and my immediate family especially my sisters. So Lord now I ask that you teach me and grow me. Show me who you want me to be as a woman, a daughter, teacher, and as a sister. Grow me into who you want me to be. Chang my heart oh God make it new, I want to be like you.

Great Dessert/Snack

For those of you who read my last post and saw I had forgotten to post the recipe, I thought rather edit the current post I would make a new one. For as good as the snack was I thought it deserved it own post. So here it is.....

Cool Whip delight (my made up name)

1pkg of cream cheese, softened

1/3 cup of sugar (may want 1/2cup for a little sweeter taste)

1 1/2 cup cool whip (not frozen)

mix the cream cheese and sugar together with a blender, then mix in the cool whip with a spoon or wisk.

Place mix on a graham cracker and top with a piece of fruit.

This is only good for about two days in the fridg.

GREAT with Rasberries, Stawberries, Blueberries, and grapes.

My weekend

So I know I told you all a little about my weekend, but I really didn't tell you how it all started. Since I don't have much to do right now but take my little furry child out for a walk I will fill you in a bit.

Back on Thursday night, went to do a load of laundry and discovered water throughout my laundry closet. So I finished my load, I needed the clean clothes, and cleaned up the mess. I was looking online that evening to find out how much it was going to cost me to replace. When I looked at Home Depot and Sears I didn't really find anything less than $450, so I proceeded over to craigslist and found one used about 30min away from me for $150 (much more in my buget). The next question who how to get it from point A to point B. Well I really didn't want to spend the money on a new washer and it was stressing out my brain that I just stopped thing about what I was going to do and I just lifted up the situation to my main man, Jesus.

On Friday work was so slow I think I can count on both hands how many times the phone rang. That is besides the point. I still thought about my problem with my washer in fact I complained about it to a few co-workers and proceeded to aske them if they had one they wanted to give me!! They all just looked at me and laughed. I was thinking I would look through the saturday paper and try to find some garage sales that had a washer for sale and I would go take a look at them on Saturday morning after I went to the gym and before I cleaned my room.

It was near lunch and Blevins (a girl that I work with) asked me what I was doing for the weekend, and as I thought about how quiet it was going to be and all the stuff I was going to be able to get done at the house, I told her I am not sure let me look at my calandar, no sooner than I touched my finger to the phone I remembered I had a girls night to go to, oh wait I am suppose to bring dessert too!!! There goes my plan for heading to the gym right after work. Not only that but I need a dessert, a fast, healthy, yummy dessert.

Then later in the day I received an email about the church work day. Then I remembered I told my mom I would meet her in Emporia and help SAG (dad was in the Dealth Ride) on Sunday afternoon after church. So there went my weekend. It was all planned out before friday even really began.

I did find a great dessert. I will put the reciepe below for those of you who are interested. I had a great time watching "The Confessions of a Shopaholic" and eating great Wheat State Pizza and tons of fruit with 4 wonderful women. Then I spent my Saturday day at the church moving tree branches, more like mini trees, and that evening I went and saw G-Force. On Sunday I taught the 4 and 5yr olds then went on down to Emporia to meet up with my parents. It was hot I felt bad for those guys who road those 84.3miles in the heat of the day in the Kansas Desert. After Dad finished he decided that he was going to drive up to KC, about 1.5 hrs to come and take a look at my washer. We went and ate at Noodles and Co., great place by the way, will definately try it there again. We came back to my place and he finshed looking at it around midnight. Needless to say it is only going to cost me about $32. God is so good. He really takes care of me, I need to remember to never doubt the BIG man. =)

Monday morning started out a little earlier than normal. I needed to be out at the Dr. house/office because I had some training online at 8am. It was a conference training so you had to call in. Well when I got to there house there was no one there 7:45 I rang the door bell, thinking I hope they are home, he mentioned going out of town and they weren't at church yesterday....I just hope there here. Rang the door bell no answer, waited...rang again. Went around the house to look in the garage door saw head lights thought Oh good they are home. Back to the front door rang again....no answer, called their house phone....no answer, rang again....no answer. Did I really see headlights? Yes did but they weren't the right car. there was only one car in the garage and it wasn't the van. So I went to work without the training. Now I must set up a new appointment.

Now Monday is about to end in a very relaxing evening. Kayle and I will go out for a little walk and I will come back in do a little bit of reading and then off to bed it will be for me tired eyes.

Thank you Lord for giving me this time of rest after a fun filled weekend of activities.

What a day...

Many of you know this but I will share for those of you who read this but don't necessarily see me or aren't in my everyday life.

Well, my church has been doing alot of building shopping for a long time. I go to a Calvary Chapel here in Johnson County. The church is currently being held in a strip mall and has been for quite some time, as is the same for many Calvary's. For about 6months they have been doing some hard search and found on sometime between Oct. and Dec. Because we serve a God who throws curve balls every now and again nothing had been set in stone until this last Monday when the keys were handed over to Pastor Rick and Pastor Dean.

Now the work begins. Wow!!! I never thought this much work was going to need to go into a building just to get it ready to have fellowship in. Which also helps me decide that I will not be buying a house until I have someone in my life who is going to help with the yard work. It is hard work. Today at the new church, from 9-3:30 we worked outside cutting trees down pulling out the stumps, weeding, digging up bulbs (I will never plant bulbs after what I saw) cutting grass racking and laying mulch. A lot of work was put into what we did, but it definately looks nice after all our hard work. The last time I was that dirty, I went and played in the mud. This was so bad that at the end of the day when we decided to take a group picture in the sun, the dirt on me started to turn to mud. Ewwww nasty!!!!!

Two weeks from now we will be doing more work. Tile tearing up, painting and a few more decorative details. Fun Fun...God is so good! It is time to remember to pray for the community around the church. May God show us how to bless them.

Something I never posted.

This is something I hadn't posted yet but am no sure why. I haven't read it yet so I am sorry if it isn't finished.

"It is clear, then, that God's promise to give the whole earth to Abraham and his descendants was not based on obedience to God's law, but on the new relationship with GOd that comes by faith. So if you claim that GOod's promise is for those who obey God's law and think they are "good enough" in God's sight, then you are saying that faith is useless. And in the case, the promise is also meaningless. But the law brings punishment on those who try to obey it. (The only way to avoid breaking the law is to have no law to break!)

So that's why faith is the key! Good's promise is givento use as a free gift. And we are cerain to receive it, whether or not we follow Jewish customs, if we have faith like Abraham's. For Abraham is the father of all who believe. That is what the Scriptures mean when GOd told him, "I have made yo uthe father of many nations." This happened because Abraham believed in the GOd who brings the dead back to life and who brings into existence what didn't ecist before.

When GOd promised Abraham that he would become the father of many nations, Abraham believed him. God had also said, "Your descendants will be a s numerous as the stoars," even though such a promise seemed utterly impossible! And Abraham's faith did not weaken, even though he knew that he was too old to be a father at the age of 100 and that SArah, his wife, had never been able to have children.

Abraham never vabered in beleiving Go's promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in ths he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything he promised. And because of Abraham's faith, God declared him to be righteous.

Now this wonderful truth--wasn't just for Abraham's benefit. It was for us too, assuring us that GOd will also declare us to be righteous if we believe in God, who brought Jesus our Lord back from the dead. He was handed over to die becuase of our sins, and he was raised from the dead to make us right with GOd.



Therefore, since we have been made right in GOd's sight by faith, we have peace with GOd because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into htis place of hightest privilege where we new stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expecation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Me and My Dog

So lately I have been more bored than ever. Sure there are things I could do, go to the gym, go to the movies, watch a movie at home, and go shopping all of which require me to go alone. Well if you know me, being alone is not an option. So I was on my computer the other day. Just reading around trying to think of something that I could do to get me out and it finally clicked. I have a wonderful dog who loves to hang out with me, what more fun would it be for us to go out and have fun together. Agility classes. I have always wanted to get involved in something with her, weither it be taking her to the hospitals to put a smile on a little childs face, or a nursing home to bring a little joy to the elderly, greeting a solider who doesn't having anyone to greet him when be comes back to the states or even something a bit more active like the agility courses. There is nothing saying we can't do both but the other requires different training which I have had difficulty finding places even when I looked online. Maybe I should ask the vet about it?
Needless to say, I think my mind is made up. I am going to do this, but training class doesn't start until next week, and I may have to wait until Sept. We'll see, though I hope sooner than later.

The Beauty of...

WOW!!! It has been a good 2 months since I updated you all on how things are going in my life. I think its because nothing has really been going on. I work and help and church not much more until this week. My family took a vacation to Durango, CO. My dads side of the family all came to hang out and have fun. Which is exactly what we did.
We left on our 13hr trip on Sunday 7/5 at 3am, midnight was the goal. What else can you expect from our family. My grandparents have a time share with Wyndom Resorts so that is where we stayed. Most of the time when we stay at the resorts it usually is about a mile out of the main downtown area, but when we got here we were definitely surprised to find the resort right in the middle of town. It was so cool because we really didn’t have to drive anywhere until we were heading out of town. Here is what we did throughout the week.
Monday- we took a tour of the town, and found some really good soda Zubber Fizz

Tuesday- we went out to Yankee Boy Basin. It was about 2 1/2hrs away and it had a beautiful water fall and some need wild flowers that were blooming.

Wednesday- We went to Mesa Verde National Park to see the cliff dwellings. We did a lot of hiking that day.

Thursday- We took the Land Rover off-road and I was suppose to ride a train from Silverton to Durango but I missed the train because of a flat tire at 1300ft elevation. My aunt then had to driver her vehicle on a doughnut all the way down the mountain, we had to go really slow.

Friday- We all went rafting, it would have been even amazing if we could have gone on the longer tour, but the hour ride was still fun.

Saturday- left at 10am =(
We had a pretty eventful week and I have added pictures for you to be able to see what we saw. I can tell you though these pictures don’t do what we saw any justice. When we went off-road on Thursdays the pictures that we took at 1300ft can’t even capture the true beauty of what we saw.

Sometimes I am a hopeless romantic

On short notice, I decided to go and visit my mom for mom's day. Just for a short visit. I left Friday night then left on Saturday night. It was nice to be home even if it was only for a few hours. I don't even think it was for 24hrs. I didn't do much but hang out with my sister and mom. We made Lunner (a meal between lunch and dinner), I then came home shortly after. The drive back to Olathe was long, but I got some ice cream... mmmmmm...... about halfway back to keep myself away.

Oh my gosh and while I was home I came across some notes that my long time childhood friend wrote to me while we were in high school(10/2000) and some letters that my high school boy friend had written to me while I was at Kanakuk in the summer of 2001. WOW!!! I couldn't believe that she and I would talk about or how my boyfriend and I would talk to one another. The innocence of it all. Back then everything seemed to important and like it was going to change my world. Little did I know it was only a small portion of the huge pictures.

It's fun to go back and read all of the letters just to see what I was thinking at the time. I had so many sayings for things. All the hidden codes we would write in. Some of them I can't even remember what they mean, others they took awhile but I finally got them. I thought I knew so much, but through the years as I get older the less and less I know, and hope I never know.
I haven't read all the letters, but if I find anything good. I will definitely share. I think I got at least one letter every day while I was gone.

As for today, I had planned on spending the day cleaning with the hopes of getting everything done in time for the first bike ride of the year. (Though I hate to go alone I was going to push through it.) But when I got home and sat down to eat I put in a movie, not just any movie, but my favorite movie of all time. Anne of Green Gables. Well I'll just say that I haven't moved from the couch since about 1pm I have sat here and I think I am going to finish the entire 3 DVDs. I haven't watched it in so long.
I always wished I was Anne. Not looking at it from an Orphan view. I am thankful for my family, but her free spirit and imagination amazes me. Oh and I am a hopeless romantic. I very much enjoy the love story between her and Gilbert. She doesn't even seem to worry about a husband until someone tells her to slow down and open her eyes. I wish I didn't worry or care or think about it. Three time a brides maid never a bride, Josie Pie reminder her. I have one up on her. I hope one day the man the Lord has for me will look at me the way Gilbert looked at Anne during that scene, or looks at her throughout the movie. He loves her a lot.

I also like it because I have always thought of how neat it would be to have horses that pull you everywhere and not cars. Who what a sleigh ride would feel like in the snow. =) The Green Gable acreage is just beautiful. I would love to go and visit that place or find a place to live that is similar, it would just be wonderful! How amazing it would be to walk through all those fields to clear my head of everything, giving thanks for all the beautiful scenery he has given us.

I just love this movie!

A Horrid Day

Yesterday, I was working at a back desk. I was checking patients out, so I wasn't in front like usual. I noticed while sitting there that the computer time was about 10min fast. I didn't really think about it because I was told just to look at the phone clock to write down the timeline for patients to take meds. It confused me a little throughout the day but I left it at "it is what it is, no questions asked".

The day began to wind down and everyone had left...it was just me. I was suppose to be there until 5. All the computers were turned off except the back desk. I looked at the clock on the computer saw it was almost 5 and then remembered that the computer clock wasn't correct and I was suppose to go by the phone clock. I then sighed because I still had another 10min before I could leave. As I was sitting there I thought to myself. "I wonder why the computer clock is wrong? I will just try and change it." So I did, and as soon as the time changed on the computer I watched the time clock time change too. I then thought to myself, being completely naive to the issue at hand, "Oh no, some of the girls time cards are going to be wrong. I will just leave a note for Colleen to change the times just like they left her a note yesterday to change their times." This was the last thought I had about the ordeal until the next morning.
I am not in the office Tuesday and Thursday, I do their accounting work at their home office. We had called one of the Dr.'s about a question we had. I heard my name and 10min come through the phone and thought oh good they found my note. Next thing I know the previous bookkeeper (Owners wife) tells me how all the girls are TICKED/FURIOUS that I said something about the time on the computer. And at that moment it hit me that this was a bigger issue than just an extra 10min on Wednesday.
It comes out to be 20min a day. 10min at lunch when they clock out and 10min when they clock out at then end of the day. This is a total of 1hr and 40min a week.
My intention was never to "tattle" on anyone, I was just correcting what I thought to be a computer issue. I wasn't trying to play the mother, or prove my morals to be better than anyone else. My fear has finally came. Quicker than I had planned. These girls, my co-workers are not going to like me. They are going to see me as the "tattle tale" the "goodie goodie". All the names that I was associated with while in high school. I never intended to get them in trouble. If I had I would never have left a note out for everyone to see, though I still feel really bad. I am still afraid of their perceptions of me now, but I will be doing my best to give it over to the Lord.



They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished. John 3:20

The people of the world will hate you because you belong to me, for they don't know God who sent me. John 15:21

These are 2 verses that the Lord showed me when I started to worry about what my fellow co-workers were going to think of me because of my blatant mistake. I know all in all what I did was right, but knowing how I will be precived is definately an issue, and will make me worry. I hate being a loner. I am kind of glad that I didn't know what I was doing when I did it, because I think this would have been harder on me, and God knew that. Praise God for making me naive!! =)

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you that I might not sin that I might not sin thy word have I hid in my heart.
The rejection will be hard, but not as hard as the eternal punishment had nothing been done. Thank you Lord for protecting me.

Mondays are my favorite!

Someone might have asked you before "What is your least favorite day of the week?", many venture to say Monday, not me...I definitely think it is ranked up there right along with Sundays. =) Sundays are amazing for me because I get to spend a good portion of my day at one of my favorite places to be, my heavenly fathers house (church). The comfort of knowing that my Savior lives there and I am going to visit! I love it! Mondays are a little different. Now I am still at the church, but there is a different reason.
When I spend time in the word I pray that the Lord will teach me something, that he give me some sort of spiritual wisdom, knowledge and understanding, and Monday nights is my night of accountability. It helps keep up with my studies. Now am I great at keeping up NO, but I usually have at least one day read.
So anyways, back to me asking for spiritual, wisdom and understanding. As I read I try to underline the verses that stick out, that make me think, that challenge me spiritually. When I am not being selfish with my time I will write down what I believe the Lord is showing me. Or I will write down just the verse just because it stuck out, even though I don't know why. Well during study on Monday nights we are to discuss what the Lord showed us during the week. My God is ever so faithful to show me greater things than just the words underlined. I a great group of God fearing men and women who are there to teach and guide me.
This last week I had underlined a portion I believe was Luke 22:10-13 where Jesus tells his disciples to go and prepare the last supper. He tells them to find the man with the Water pot and follow him to his masters house, and then it goes on to say "...and they went off to the city and found everything just as Jesus had said." I underlined that section because it reminds me of the faith that the disciples had in Jesus, and what faith I lack. I know that I would have question Jesus asking "well what if there are two men that have water pots?" or "what if I see a man that has a pitcher and another that has a pot which do I follow?" I wouldn't want to be confused and make a mistake and go the wrong way. But that is not what the disciples did, they did just as they were told.
As we all began discussing it someone brought up a huge point for when I start to question the action. "Is it truly God? God is not an author of confusion." It hit me hard. How often do I battle with my flesh and spirit worrying about making the wrong choice, worrying about all the "what ifs". If there is confusion I need to stop and wait on the Lord. He will answer and I will know that it is him. It may take years to get the answer, but at least I would have then made the right decision. It reminded me about an event not too long ago that I was totally stressing and worrying over. I kept going back and forth is this something the Lord wants me to pursue or not. Is this something that is in my head or not. I didn't know what to do, I was confused about the whole situation. It lasted for well over a year. But never once did I think that God doesn't send confusion our way to test us. Pastor Rick said that God sends assay. To examine, to try or test. Its like test we take in school, we were tested on the information we had been taught. A test that would strengthen our knowledge but not to confuse us. God is the same way. His true desire is for us to learn to be more like Him the same way our teachers desired for us to learn what they had taught.

I love it when I see something so small and those around me teach me something that is much deeper within the entire passage. One day I hope to be able to listen more to the Lord that I can hear Him tell me that. =)

Dry

I have nothing...I am empty and dead, or atl east that is the way I feel. I hate this feeling.

My last day...

For those of you who don't know, tomorrow is my last day at my current job...a bit exciting and even more scary. I am excited to go home for a couple of days to visit my family and a few friends. Scary because I am going out into a new place, new surrounding, new responsibilities and new expectations, all fear of the unknown. I will be leaving my comfort zone. Today during my exit interview I was asked what I like most about KVC. I told them my co-workers. They are my favorite. Even though I get frustrated with them sometimes the three that I work directly with are AWESOME. I can come in and be myself without having to worry about how annoying and obnoxious they might think I am...they love me for who I am. =) (I have lots of energy in the AM).
The job that I am going to is from the Lord. I had been praying that the Lord would give me an opportunity to learn and grow, something that would challenge what I already knew. God is so good. I didn't have to go too far and in fact he placed the job right in my hands. I know the partners from Church and one day they came to me and asked if I would be interest. I followed up with hesitation and as I continued further into the whole process, I realized the Lord was taking care of me. I had been praying for just the right opportunity. I had been looking at all these large corporations never getting a call back and not really being too excited about applying to the positions that they had available. It was kind of like when I was looking for a job when I first moved to KC 6yrs ago (wholly cow...its been awhile). I had wanted to work at the bank, had an interview very soon after I moved here and then nothing. One month went by and I hadn't heard anything so my mom kept urging me to go and apply elsewhere. I would drive to different places and just cringe at the thought of having to go inside, this went on for another month when finally after several drives through retail parking lots I received a call from the bank, just in time to pay my bills for that month. God is GOOD...he will never leave me nor forsake me. I wasn't comfortable apply to all the jobs my dad or brother-in-law would send but I would do it anyway because I knew my complaining wasn't getting me anywhere, and I had no excuse for it if I wasn't doing anything about it. But God had a plan for me and it wasn't with one of those places that makes me be stiff neck and fake but right where he wanted me, where I can be who he created me to be. Loving, Joyful and Happy!!!!
On Friday I will be spending the day at a seminar with quite a few of my future coworkers. I am not totally sure what the seminar is about, but I am looking forward to learning and understanding the business.
May the Lord continue to direct me, teach me and help me be strong and courageous through this next portion of my journey.




I will let you know how my first day goes.

The Beginning

Well this is my first time putting something like this together, but I thought it might be fun to write out all the stuff that goes on. I don't know if I have a purpose besides for myself. I think this might help me make sense of what goes on in my head by writing it out it may help me sort things out a bit. We'll see though.

Stay tuned for things to come!! =)