Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A Horrid Day

Yesterday, I was working at a back desk. I was checking patients out, so I wasn't in front like usual. I noticed while sitting there that the computer time was about 10min fast. I didn't really think about it because I was told just to look at the phone clock to write down the timeline for patients to take meds. It confused me a little throughout the day but I left it at "it is what it is, no questions asked".

The day began to wind down and everyone had left...it was just me. I was suppose to be there until 5. All the computers were turned off except the back desk. I looked at the clock on the computer saw it was almost 5 and then remembered that the computer clock wasn't correct and I was suppose to go by the phone clock. I then sighed because I still had another 10min before I could leave. As I was sitting there I thought to myself. "I wonder why the computer clock is wrong? I will just try and change it." So I did, and as soon as the time changed on the computer I watched the time clock time change too. I then thought to myself, being completely naive to the issue at hand, "Oh no, some of the girls time cards are going to be wrong. I will just leave a note for Colleen to change the times just like they left her a note yesterday to change their times." This was the last thought I had about the ordeal until the next morning.
I am not in the office Tuesday and Thursday, I do their accounting work at their home office. We had called one of the Dr.'s about a question we had. I heard my name and 10min come through the phone and thought oh good they found my note. Next thing I know the previous bookkeeper (Owners wife) tells me how all the girls are TICKED/FURIOUS that I said something about the time on the computer. And at that moment it hit me that this was a bigger issue than just an extra 10min on Wednesday.
It comes out to be 20min a day. 10min at lunch when they clock out and 10min when they clock out at then end of the day. This is a total of 1hr and 40min a week.
My intention was never to "tattle" on anyone, I was just correcting what I thought to be a computer issue. I wasn't trying to play the mother, or prove my morals to be better than anyone else. My fear has finally came. Quicker than I had planned. These girls, my co-workers are not going to like me. They are going to see me as the "tattle tale" the "goodie goodie". All the names that I was associated with while in high school. I never intended to get them in trouble. If I had I would never have left a note out for everyone to see, though I still feel really bad. I am still afraid of their perceptions of me now, but I will be doing my best to give it over to the Lord.



They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished. John 3:20

The people of the world will hate you because you belong to me, for they don't know God who sent me. John 15:21

These are 2 verses that the Lord showed me when I started to worry about what my fellow co-workers were going to think of me because of my blatant mistake. I know all in all what I did was right, but knowing how I will be precived is definately an issue, and will make me worry. I hate being a loner. I am kind of glad that I didn't know what I was doing when I did it, because I think this would have been harder on me, and God knew that. Praise God for making me naive!! =)

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you that I might not sin that I might not sin thy word have I hid in my heart.
The rejection will be hard, but not as hard as the eternal punishment had nothing been done. Thank you Lord for protecting me.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Mondays are my favorite!

Someone might have asked you before "What is your least favorite day of the week?", many venture to say Monday, not me...I definitely think it is ranked up there right along with Sundays. =) Sundays are amazing for me because I get to spend a good portion of my day at one of my favorite places to be, my heavenly fathers house (church). The comfort of knowing that my Savior lives there and I am going to visit! I love it! Mondays are a little different. Now I am still at the church, but there is a different reason.
When I spend time in the word I pray that the Lord will teach me something, that he give me some sort of spiritual wisdom, knowledge and understanding, and Monday nights is my night of accountability. It helps keep up with my studies. Now am I great at keeping up NO, but I usually have at least one day read.
So anyways, back to me asking for spiritual, wisdom and understanding. As I read I try to underline the verses that stick out, that make me think, that challenge me spiritually. When I am not being selfish with my time I will write down what I believe the Lord is showing me. Or I will write down just the verse just because it stuck out, even though I don't know why. Well during study on Monday nights we are to discuss what the Lord showed us during the week. My God is ever so faithful to show me greater things than just the words underlined. I a great group of God fearing men and women who are there to teach and guide me.
This last week I had underlined a portion I believe was Luke 22:10-13 where Jesus tells his disciples to go and prepare the last supper. He tells them to find the man with the Water pot and follow him to his masters house, and then it goes on to say "...and they went off to the city and found everything just as Jesus had said." I underlined that section because it reminds me of the faith that the disciples had in Jesus, and what faith I lack. I know that I would have question Jesus asking "well what if there are two men that have water pots?" or "what if I see a man that has a pitcher and another that has a pot which do I follow?" I wouldn't want to be confused and make a mistake and go the wrong way. But that is not what the disciples did, they did just as they were told.
As we all began discussing it someone brought up a huge point for when I start to question the action. "Is it truly God? God is not an author of confusion." It hit me hard. How often do I battle with my flesh and spirit worrying about making the wrong choice, worrying about all the "what ifs". If there is confusion I need to stop and wait on the Lord. He will answer and I will know that it is him. It may take years to get the answer, but at least I would have then made the right decision. It reminded me about an event not too long ago that I was totally stressing and worrying over. I kept going back and forth is this something the Lord wants me to pursue or not. Is this something that is in my head or not. I didn't know what to do, I was confused about the whole situation. It lasted for well over a year. But never once did I think that God doesn't send confusion our way to test us. Pastor Rick said that God sends assay. To examine, to try or test. Its like test we take in school, we were tested on the information we had been taught. A test that would strengthen our knowledge but not to confuse us. God is the same way. His true desire is for us to learn to be more like Him the same way our teachers desired for us to learn what they had taught.

I love it when I see something so small and those around me teach me something that is much deeper within the entire passage. One day I hope to be able to listen more to the Lord that I can hear Him tell me that. =)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Dry

I have nothing...I am empty and dead, or atl east that is the way I feel. I hate this feeling.

Monday, April 13, 2009

My last day...

For those of you who don't know, tomorrow is my last day at my current job...a bit exciting and even more scary. I am excited to go home for a couple of days to visit my family and a few friends. Scary because I am going out into a new place, new surrounding, new responsibilities and new expectations, all fear of the unknown. I will be leaving my comfort zone. Today during my exit interview I was asked what I like most about KVC. I told them my co-workers. They are my favorite. Even though I get frustrated with them sometimes the three that I work directly with are AWESOME. I can come in and be myself without having to worry about how annoying and obnoxious they might think I am...they love me for who I am. =) (I have lots of energy in the AM).
The job that I am going to is from the Lord. I had been praying that the Lord would give me an opportunity to learn and grow, something that would challenge what I already knew. God is so good. I didn't have to go too far and in fact he placed the job right in my hands. I know the partners from Church and one day they came to me and asked if I would be interest. I followed up with hesitation and as I continued further into the whole process, I realized the Lord was taking care of me. I had been praying for just the right opportunity. I had been looking at all these large corporations never getting a call back and not really being too excited about applying to the positions that they had available. It was kind of like when I was looking for a job when I first moved to KC 6yrs ago (wholly cow...its been awhile). I had wanted to work at the bank, had an interview very soon after I moved here and then nothing. One month went by and I hadn't heard anything so my mom kept urging me to go and apply elsewhere. I would drive to different places and just cringe at the thought of having to go inside, this went on for another month when finally after several drives through retail parking lots I received a call from the bank, just in time to pay my bills for that month. God is GOOD...he will never leave me nor forsake me. I wasn't comfortable apply to all the jobs my dad or brother-in-law would send but I would do it anyway because I knew my complaining wasn't getting me anywhere, and I had no excuse for it if I wasn't doing anything about it. But God had a plan for me and it wasn't with one of those places that makes me be stiff neck and fake but right where he wanted me, where I can be who he created me to be. Loving, Joyful and Happy!!!!
On Friday I will be spending the day at a seminar with quite a few of my future coworkers. I am not totally sure what the seminar is about, but I am looking forward to learning and understanding the business.
May the Lord continue to direct me, teach me and help me be strong and courageous through this next portion of my journey.




I will let you know how my first day goes.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Beginning

Well this is my first time putting something like this together, but I thought it might be fun to write out all the stuff that goes on. I don't know if I have a purpose besides for myself. I think this might help me make sense of what goes on in my head by writing it out it may help me sort things out a bit. We'll see though.

Stay tuned for things to come!! =)